LAST NIGHT WAS ANOTHER occasion for my psyche to undertake the job of healing itself. I'm convinced that my dreams, especially the ones where I have deep feelings, are little doses of yesteryear that need to be processed so they can be released.
There is residual today. I'm still a little raw and emotional but of course I have very little time to deal with it. I'm in an office, with coworkers. Hardly the place for a meltdown.
Last night's dream, like so many, was centered around Brock and other people of that era. The feelings of abandonment fused with misunderstandings was potent and raw.
Me, vulnerable, in pain...
During that era, my life was propelled by the feeling of being forgotten. It didn't take me very long to identify it as abandonment. In fact Brock might have been the one to identify it. Although I applied it to my present circumstances, I am pretty sure it was emotional fallout from being ignored as a kid. It was crippling.
There is a song on John Mayer's Heartbreak Warfare album with the phrase:
I'm scared you'll forget about me.
So, back then I took that fear of being forgotten and like a drowning swimmer, I made a lot of noise. This didn't help matters at all. What it did was open me up to tons of rejection, pain and misunderstandings.
Me, laid bare.
The same me who had spent the better part of her life inside my impermeable shell.
|Thank you Cate Shepherd|
Isn't this deep?
I think it is true for adults as well.
Looking back, my need was very real. Unfortunately I chose a pyromaniac to put out a bonfire.
Which just proves that people who are emotionally damaged are often not very good at self-diagnosis and self-treatment. They really shouldn't trust themselves. And maybe we as a society should look beyond the behavior to what the wounded soul really needs.
I like that my sleeping self knows what to do to help me be a more capable adult. I'm going to be fine.
Do you have dreams that are healing you?